Away In A Raincloud
by K. East
Summary: Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit. After the war ends, Katara loses someone she loves. Now she must find him again, but will she know him when she sees him?Bluetara backstory. [ZK]
1. Stanza One

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's First Verse

Stanza One

I miss him, my Blue Spirit. I miss his haunting mask, smiling eerily through the night. I miss the way his hands move, as if he was once part of a fine family. I miss his bravery, his nobility, his mystery.

But most of all, I miss his silence.

No one knew about him; no one knew where I would go in the afternoons, why I would get up in the middle of the night. No one understood why I cried when Azula struck him down just before Aang returned the compliment. No one saw me searching through the desperate, writhing mass of soldiers: searching for his body, hoping he was alive.

No one heard me break down and sob when I could not find him.

I don't know who he is, and I think that is the hardest part. Never will I see his face, nor will I hear his voice. I've seen the wanted posters; his stony mask peers out from the yellow parchment, the words accusing him of the crime of setting Aang free. When I questioned Aang about this, he only stated blankly, "I do not know who he is…and I don't think I ever really will."

His cryptic answer makes me believe otherwise.

But the world and I are young, with the future ahead of us. I can't say I am afraid, but I am unsure. With Ozai overthrown, and Zuko on the throne, there is no telling what will happen next. Will he continue the war, or will he find again the person I saw in the crystal catacombs of Old Ba Sing Se? Will he become the beautiful Prince I met that day.

A screeching cry, all too familiar, echoes through the icy canyon. I stand from where I am, in a canoe, and spread out my right arm. A hawk dives and lands on my (thankfully) gloved hand, gripping its talons into the thick blue material. I untie the little roll of paper from its leg and it takes off again, departing into the clear grey sky.

"What is it?" queries Sokka, my brother, from where he sits, enjoying the peaceful quiet. The war has been hard on him, but the calm setting of the southern sea has done wonders.

"It's from the Fire Lord," I say in the wonder.

"Well, what does it say?"

I unroll the note and briefly scan the elegant calligraphy. "He wants us to return to the Fire Nation. To discuss the next move in the war."

"I'm not going," Sokka declares.

"Aang will be there, and Toph. Representatives from each nation."

"Well…"

"And he's coming by ship to escort us over." I know Sokka won't be able to resist this. He would love to learn more about other nations' machinery. It's important that we accept Zuko's invitation, because I know I can convince him to end the war. We are the chief's children; the best representatives possible for our tribe.

"Fine. What else does it say?"

"…that's all." In reality, the note tells me that it might be best not to bring Sokka. For what reason, I don't k now; but I will not leave without my older brother.


	2. Stanza Two

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's First Verse

Stanza Two

The ship arrives exactly one week after I sent our reply. It crashes through the ice, breaking a thick line of ocean into the white landscape. Naturally, the children of the village are afraid. They have grown up in a time when the Fire Nation is a bad, bad place full of bad, bad people. But I know Zuko, at least, has honor, and will not hurt us.

That is why my brother and I wait with confidence as the enormous ship comes to a stop. That is why we do not cry out when the ramp is lowered. And that is why, as I walk onto the ship, into what once would have been sure death, I smile.

I will bring this war to an end – for everyone.

Zuko bows to each of us, his amber eyes fixed solidly on me as he welcomes my brother and I. He is wondering why I've brought Sokka. I stare at him defiantly. I, in turn, am wondering why he asked me not to.

"Avatar Aang and the Bei Fong girl will meet as at the Palace in the Fire Nation," he tells me sullenly.

I nod. Sokka looks doubtful, but quickly I elbow him in the ribs, thinking that relations between our nations are much more important than nay personal issues right now.

Zuko leads us to a small room on the deck, lit by candles that flicker gently as he enters. Quietly, he motions for us to seat ourselves. When everyone is settled, he speaks.

"As you know, I am aiming to end the war."

"No, we didn't know that," Sokka point out.

"Now you do," the Fire Lord bluntly states.

"That's good," I contend, shooting Sokka a warning glance. "When?"

"As soon as possible. I'll need your help working out a peace treaty with the Water Tribes. Once the Earth Kingdom sees we're allies, they will back down."

Sokka nods slowly, and I smile. He and I have been so eager for this to all be over, and the time is near.

"Now," Zuko turns to Sokka. "I must speak to Katara alone. A guard will escort you to your cabin."

Sokka's face immediately becomes clouded with suspicion. "No way! My sister and I stick together."

Silently, I agree with him. I don't have the greatest sentiments for the firebender and don't feel up to a battle of wits with him.

"A guard will escort you to your cabin," Zuko states firmly, and I watch helplessly as a skull-masked soldier arrives and drags my brother away.


	3. Stanza Three

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's First Verse

Stanza Three

"Stop it!" I shout, standing. "What is wrong with you?"

"Please sit down." He is so…quiet. It's…strange, the sudden change in his demeanor. He is less sullen and polite, and…happier? If I didn't know any better I'd say he is smiling.

In my confusion, I comply, locking my gaze onto him as if studying him will explain what's going on.

Reaching for a ceramic pot, he pours a cup of golden tea – jasmine, by the look and smell – and pushes it across the table to me. He pours himself tea, as well, and takes a sip, his fierce eyes staring at me over the rim of the cup.

"Have you heard of the Blue Spirit, Katara?" he asks casually.

I hesitate. "I've…I've seen the wanted posters," I finally say.

"Ever seen him?"

"No."

He leans forward on his elbows and looks at me appraisingly. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Perhaps," I say nervously. "Because he is wanted for rescuing Aang."

"Perhaps."

"I was not there," I add. "If I was there his presence would not be necessary."

His lips curl up in a knowing smile, making me scowl.

"What's your point?" I snap.

"Oh, nothing." He reaches below the table, pulling out a simple wooden box. He hands it to me. "Open it. You might recognize what's inside."

I look at him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Just look."

Slowly, I slide the plain, unvarnished cover off the square box.

There, on a bed of yellow satin, lies the face of my lover. The laughing _oni_ mask stares up at me with empty eyes, mocking my loss.

"Where did you get this?" I ask quietly, my voice sounding hoarse.

He raises his eyebrows – eyebrow, I correct myself – at my reaction. "I have had it…for a long time, now."

"You took it from him." Why must my voice sound so accusatory?

"The Blue Spirit," he says solemnly, "died that day. This mask was thrown away, never to be used again."

"So he is…"

"No. But his face as the Blue Spirit will never return," Zuko continues slowly, as if being cautious in his choice of words.

"Did…" I can't believe I'm asking _him_ this, of all people, but I have to know. "Did you see his face? Do you know who he is?"

Zuko's brow creases, and gently he takes the mask, box and all, away from me.

"It doesn't matter now," he says softly, putting it away.

"Yes, it does!" I protest. "It matters…so much."

"No. It doesn't." His voice is cold and final."

"But-"

"Now."

I stand and glare at him. "You are cruel, Zuko. Cruel and clueless." A soldier takes me by the arm, but I yank away, following him of my own accord.

Outside, I look angry with the Fire Lord, rather than bothered by the reappearance of the mask.

But inside…I am heartbroken.

How many times had I both blessed and cursed that mask, for hiding something as important as a face? An identity?

How many times had I run my hands blindly along the edges of wood and cloth , unmasking the face of the man I loved so much – only to kiss those lips, unseeing, from behind a veil of black?

How many times had I reached to untie my blindfold, or remove that blue and white façade he wore, only to hear that one blunt word…

"Don't."


	4. Stanza Four

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Zuko's First Verse

Stanza Four

I am lost.

My heart mourns, for now I know she doesn't understand. She doesn't connect my face to my hands, my demeanor, my alternate persona. She doesn't link my voice to those secret meetings in which I slowly, but surely, fell in love with her. She doesn't see how much I miss her, how much I haven't told her. She would not believe all those things.

I think of the time when we were enemies. Enemies, allies, and enemies again. Renewing my hunt for her and her friends. It was extraordinary how easily she forgave me, and it still is extraordinary. The way her voice would speak of me, like a poem, a song, was not with hatred, but with pity. With a passionate sorrow for what I was and what I was doing.

Hidden beneath my _oni_ mask, hidden inside the Blue Spirit, I was in awe. I could not speak and express my awe, but there it was, smoothed into every crease in my face, tangled with every hair on my head.

When the war came to a close, she still had not seen my face. I could not let her, no! The prince was not an ally to her, not to her or the Avatar. He was simply another of his sister's minions.

The Spirit, on the other hand, was a friend that both the monk and my love knew. They trust the Spirit – though Aang was still wary, knowing who it was the mask controlled.

But Azula…she struck me down. It was the most terrible feeling of my life as I committed the one action she did not think me capable of – redirecting her blow. I was knocked down, but had time to flee.

I remember reverting to the Prince, crawling through the muck with the mask stuffed down my shirt, occasionally knocking down a rebel soldier in order to keep face. At the same time, I could hear her screaming, "Spirit! Spirit!" At one point our eyes locker, across a field of destruction, and I wanted to say, "I'm here."

But she only gave me a look of complete and utter despair, and continued her search.

Quietly, I sit at the table, staring off at a candle. As I breathe in, the flame rises. As I breathe out, it diminishes.

In, out.

Up, down.

With one hand I draw the slim flame towards me, curling it around and around, like a tiny dragon at my fingertips.

How I wish she would recognize me. How I long for that hand around mine, those lips that whisper, "My Spirit, my Blue Spirit…why don't you show your face?" And I even miss how I would shake my head noiselessly; how she would guess at the reason ("You're a fugitive. A thief? You…have a scar?") How close she was. She would talk for hours about her friends, her family, just exactly _what_ she thought of Prince Zuko, but she would end in saying, "But you make everything so much better."

My heart would swell at this and it does even now as I think of it. She loves me! Everything will be fine, even the Blue Spirit is no more, because in the end she will find him, anonymous, in Lord Zuko. In me.


	5. Stanza Five

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Zuko's First Verse

Stanza Five

Every minute I lie in bed, staring at the room of metal, at the tapestries adorning the wall, I remember the hot afternoons and cool nights I spent, simply enjoying her company. I remember the way she would blindfold herself, understanding my desire for secrecy, and place her hands in mine. I could've turned on her…I could've killed or captured her. I could've taken the information she gave me and used it to strike a blow against her.

But I didn't. Because I loved her. And I still love her, whether or not she knows it…whether or not she knows _me_.

Katara would trust me. She would let me, a stranger to her, really, hold her, and kiss her. And I would revel in this, in the trust I received from no one else, not even my uncle.

But…in all honesty, trust is never free. What I did was beyond a few sweet gestures and romantic attention.

_She heaved the bag over her shoulder, grimacing at the weight. I almost chuckled at her expression: one of utter exasperation. How foolish of her companions to send one person, alone, to get supplies! It was far too easy to follow her – she'd lead me right back to their camp._

_Stealthily, I crawled along the roof of the merchant's stall. When I had found the _oni_ mask on the shore of Lake Laogai a week after throwing it away, I concluded that fate was not ready for the Spirit to die. It was handy, too; along with the _dao_ swords which I so treasured, I had been able to have a life outside of the Palace of the Earth King – and more recently, outside of Azula's large camp. I was taking an enormous risk, but I cherished freedom._

_Katara carried the heavy basket back through a small wood, coming into an emerald clearing. She never noticed me, flitting through the trees to follow._

"Excuse me?" A voice interrupts my thoughts, casting aside my memory like a hot stone. It's a soldier, a member of the Royal Procession. "My Lord?"

"Yes?" I growl, realizing I had unconsciously risen from my bed and begun to pace the floors.

"The…the ambassador from the South Pole…"

"Which one?" My heart floods with irritation when I think of the boy on my ship. I had wished for time alone with Katara – in order to mend old bridges, so to speak.

"The lady, my lord."

"What about her?"

"She seems upset, sir."

"Hm. I will see what this is about. Dismissed."

The guard bows and retreats, leaving me again alone in the room. I sigh, rub the back of my neck, and, with a jolt of surprise, realize how much time has waned. I step out and make my way up the hallways, to the level just beneath the helm, where the Water Tribe siblings have been given rooms.

Behind one egress I hear quiet, muffled sobbing, echoed against the metal walls. Gently I knock on the door. "Katara?"

_Please,_ I plead silently. _Don't let this be my fault._

The door opens very, very slowly, and I see Katara looking up at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"What?" She sniffled.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just have…allergies." She wiped one sleeve across her nose as if to prove her point. "No big deal."

"What are you allergic to?"

Dead silence. Then,

"Fish."

"What?"

"I'm allergic to fish. I had some this morning and it's made me kind of sick. Like a cold, but with…hives." She finished lamely.

I couldn't help but be a little amused. For one, her skin was completely clear. For another, she was _Water Tribe_. Allergic to fish? Impossible. Those people _lived_ off of fish. But I smooth my face out, so it becomes that neutral mask I used to live behind. "Don't lie to me, Katara," I say blatantly. "What's bothering you?"

"You, as of now," she quibbles. "Look. Just…just leave me alone." The door closes slowly, I making no protest, and clicks shut.

I let my eyes run over the solid metalwork of what separated her from me; then, my gaze crawls over my fingers, my palms. Hands of a hunter. Hands of a lover. Hands of a king.

"What have I done?"


	6. Stanza Six

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's Second Verse

Stanza Six

In dreams the mortal man is free.

Why can I not return to sleep, and to my dreams? The Spirit haunts me with his laughing face and his silent words. I still feel his arms around me in a hug, as if a blessing before I go to war – bloody, all-out war. I still hear the music of rain as he leaves me standing alone, ankle-deep in the lotus pond. I still feast my eyes on the single plum blossom he'd given me – the pale petals stark against its jaunty stem.

I still love him.

The mask brings memories fresh in my mind, memories I thought I could abandon when I returned to the South Pole. But no. Tears stream down my cheeks as if I've been holding them back for far too long.

And so my heart is lost when we finally get there. When I step back onto Fire Nation land, my brother at my side, I consciously have torn my heart into pieces – and tossed them, fluttering, into the wind.

And as we enter the Palace of the Fire Lord, I throw away my soul, too. How I love him. What he did for me was far more than anything Jet or Haru could have given me.

_I knew right away someone was following me. It flitted through the trees with skill, and naturally I was impressed. I led it in the exact opposite direction of camp – anyone was so careful about following _me_ was probably after Aang._

_But after awhile, I started to get nervous. I couldn't lead it forever. At some point I would have to return to camp, and then what?_

_I kept walking, having no other choice. I stepped through the leaves left there from autumn._

"Katara?" I look up from where I now sit in my room. The whole place, I had concluded, was far too wealthy for my taste. But right now, I am far too happy to see my friend.

"Aang!" I cry, leaping up from the edge of my bed. I envelop him in a tight hug. "I'm so glad to see you."

"Zuko told me where you were rooming and I decided to come see you," he said, touching the base of his neck sheepishly.

"It's been months." I smile.

"Yeah – we were here the last time we met, too."

I sober considerably. "How's work for the Avatar?"

"It's fine. I thought I could go back to Kyoshi Island. I liked it there."

"I know." I stick out my tongue.

"Katara? Are you alright?"

My face heats up. "Did Zuko tell you I was depressed or something? He has no right to –"

"No," Aang interrupts gently. "I guessed. Your eyes are all red. Why?"

"Can I tell you something?" I ask softly. "Promise not to tell anyone else?"

"I promise." Aang leaps over to my bed, landing gently to sit cross-legged. Obligingly, I sit next to him.

"So, what's up?" His face is so concerned. I'm not even sure if I should tell him. Where do I start? How do I say it? Finally, I heave a sigh and say the first thing that comes to mind.

"Remember the Blue Spirit?"


	7. Stanza Seven

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's Second Verse

Stanza Seven

I nearly tell him, but a rap on the door forces me to swallow my confession and answer.

"Katara, Avatar Aang," says Zuko smoothly. "Join me for dinner?"

For a moment I want to say _No, thank you_ and slam the door in his face, this person who had successfully opened an old wound in one simple action. Before I can, however, Aang answers for me.

"We would be honored to," he enthuses, bowing.

I shoot him a dirty look, but he just grins at me and I melt.

Twenty minutes later, I am seated at an extravagant dining table, low to the ground as is the custom. Sokka sits on my left side, Aang on my right; Toph is across from me, beside Zuko's uncle, Iroh. Zuko sits at the foot, his long black hair (I still am not used to it) pulled into the Fire Nation's customary topknot. He claps his hands and stands.

"Today I welcome honored guests," he says, looking less welcoming and more upset about having to speak in front of so many people. "Avatar Aang, Sokka of the Water Tribes," he bows to them, "my esteemed Uncle Iroh," he bows again, "and of course Miss Toph Bei Fong and Miss Katara of the Water Tribes. He bows yet again, then reaches behind his back, producing two flowers.

"For the ladies," he says, smiling at me: his manner is suddenly changed. Gingerly, I take one flower, Toph taking another. She raises the purple tulip to her nose, smiling, but I just close my eyes.

A plum blossom. Pale pink buds spread against a black branch.

I want to say, _How did you know?_ But I am too deeply submerged in sweet memories.

_Somehow, I was dangling upside down by my ankle. Of all the unfortunate things to happen today…_

_The person who had been following me was nowhere in sight, which worried me. I could be trapped here forever and the only one to know I was here would be an enemy of mine._

_"Kehhh." I whipped my head around._

_"A platypus bear!" I gasp._

_The bear looks at me with giant eyes. "Kehhh!"_

"Roast duck?" A servant offers me a platter and I lift a few pieces onto my plate to please Sokka, who insists I eat far too little.

Setting my chopsticks down, I take a sip of tea before beginning to eat, all the time glancing at the plum flower. Hard to get in this season, when the plums were already fat and ripe. However, I suppose when one is Fire Lord, one gets what one wants.

He must have chosen it specifically. But why? No one knows my preference in flowers – the reason I like plum blossoms so much is because it was the first gift given me by the Spirit.

_I really thought I was going to die. There was a bear twice my height charging _STRAIGHT AT ME_, for crying out loud! But, as suddenly as it happened, something else did. I suddenly crumpled to the ground in a heap and was pushed out of the way. I only a few fleeting glances of a figure dressed in black before I lost consciousness._

I look down at my empty plate. A warm tear slides down my cheek and hits the glassware, startling me. I stand up, causing Zuko (who was in the middle of explaining the process of writing a treaty) to pause, looking at me.

"Excuse me," I say, choking on my words. And I left.


	8. Stanza Eight

Away In A Raincloud: The True Story of the Blue Spirit

"_Because their love was like poetry, their story is also."_

Katara's Second Verse

Stanza Eight

I sit.

Just sit.

I don't cry, I don't pout, and I don't think I even breathe. I sit.

I want to die.

What kind of world is it when the beholder bears a severed heart? I will myself to die, but not a thing happens. Not a thing.

I hear the door open, but I don't listen to it. I hear someone step in, but I don't listen to that, either.

I _don't_ hear Zuko saying, "It's alright. It's okay," but I _sure as hell_ listen.

Somehow I am folded into his arms, like a child held by her mother. He strokes my hair – _so familiar_ – and croons words I don't even comprehend.

He takes my hand, and he covers it with his own, and suddenly _I know_. I know who he is…I know who he _was_. And I know exactly why things have ended up this way.

_So helpless…it who had been following me, had thrown in his life for mine. He had single-handedly driven away the bear, and I – realizing that I'd blacked out not from fear, but rather, all the blood gone to my head – had concluded that were it not for him, I would most definitely be eaten right now._

_But he was hurt, too, and there was nothing I could do about it, other than cover him with my parka and cross my fingers. Little things – cuts and scratches – yes, I could take care of them. But on the whole, I had no idea exactly how much damage one half-ton bear could do. A lot, apparently, as it was his turn to be unconscious._

_For a moment, I considering taking off the mask – but was struck by the thought that maybe…maybe I wouldn't like what I saw._

"Zuko," I whisper. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He stares over my shoulder like a blind man, eyes unseeing, world invisible. "Because," he tells me, "The Blue Spirit is dead, and there is no one left but Zuko."

"I cried for him," I reply."

"He cried for you." His face is unmoving, as if he is afraid to look down and break into tears himself.

"He was a good man," I continue. "Strong and young and courageous. Like a lion."

"Like a dragon," he told me, "in the rain. Given ability but suppressed from skill."

"He loved me."

"He still does." Before I know it, those warm lips touch mine, like a chaste reminder of past times. Like a vision of that first encounter, one good deed among many unfathomable others that may or may not be told.

"_Why do you hide your face?" I whispered, as he delicately fastened the blindfold around my eyes, successfully blocking my vision. A warm hand intertwined with mine, and his answer is clear._

Just trust me.

_And it seems foolish, but I did._

We hold each other tightly, two young lovers in a world of turmoil. I never want to let go.

But I do.

Because, in the end, I realize I'll have as much time as I want.

FIN

Finished Feb. 26, 2007

A/n: It was originally going to be a lot longer, and lot more interesting, but I would rather write what happened present-tense with the Blue Spirit. goes back to spice it up


End file.
